


Seven Years of Bad Luck, or Something Like That

by boy_boy_doggins



Category: Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: A bit sad, Gabriels perspective, Gen, Homophobia, M/M, Some Humor, Unrequited Love, Will and Jems relationship through the years, at least I thought so, heronstairs, mostly from the Clave, what jerks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 06:32:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2099142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boy_boy_doggins/pseuds/boy_boy_doggins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AKA: Gabriel Learns a Few Things He’d Rather Not Know</p><p>Gabriel Lightwood would never be accused of liking William Herondale. In fact, he downright hated him. So why did this sort of thing keep happening?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Gabriel Tells a Secret

The first time it happened, Gabriel had been thirteen.

  
His father and Charlotte had agreed, somehow, that it would be a good idea to have him, Will and Jem practice fighting demons together. Looking back on it, Gabriel supposed his father only agreed because he hoped Charlotte would mess up somehow. Unfortunately, he got his wish. The demon had proven stronger than expected, and it managed to break Will’s leg and fracture a couple of Gabriel’s ribs. Jem escaped unscathed, to Gabriel’s surprise.

  
They were taken to the Lightwood manor and made to stay in the medical wing for the night while they healed. Gabriel and Will were placed in adjacent beds, where they happily hurled abuse at each other. Jem sat beside Will’s bed and tolerated, occasionally rolling his eyes at the more idiot quips.

  
“You should be grateful, _Herondale_ , that my father even let you sully our doorstep,” Gabriel spat.

  
Will just grinned. “Well, I’d like to leave, but unfortunately someone had to screw up and get my leg broken.”

  
Gabriel turned bright red. “You-! That was your fault and you know it! You nearly got us all killed!”

  
Will scowled. “What?! I was about to kill it, you’re the one who had to yell and distract it!”

  
“I had to! It was going to bite your head off!”

  
Will opened his mouth to respond, but a calm voice interjected. “Thank you, Gabriel,” Jem said softly.

  
Will gaped at him. “James! You’re supposed to back me up! You traitor!”

  
Jem ignored him. “I know how Will can be,” he said to Gabriel. “I thank you for saving him when I couldn’t.”

  
Gabriel shifted uncomfortably under Jem’s gaze. The other boy made him feel… awkward. He was so kind. So kind, and yet his parabatai was Will, the most unpleasant person Gabriel had ever met. It was rather irritating.

  
Fortunately, Jem had turned his pale gaze onto Will. Gabriel smirked as the boy visibly reddened.

  
“What?” he snapped.

  
Jem sighed. “Will, you almost died. The least you can do is thank him.”

  
“I would have been fine! If you remember, his little stunt got my leg broken, so he should apologize to _me_.” Will sounded petulant.

  
Jem’s silver eyes became icy. Gabriel could hear the chill in his voice, and he shuddered.

  
“William, don’t be a child. You can’t just risk your life and then pretend it was nothing. Contrary to what you may believe, _some_ people would be quite upset if you were to die.” Jem glared at Will for a second, angrier than Gabriel had ever seen him. Then he stood and swept out of the room.

  
Will stared after him. “I’ve never seen him that mad before,” he muttered. “Who was he talking about, anyway? I thought…”

  
Gabriel gaped at him. “Are you serious? He was talking about himself, you dolt!”

  
“Jem said that… he would care if I died?”

  
Gabriel silent for a second, the shock making him speechless. “Of _course_ he would care, you dolt! He’s your parabatai, isn’t he?! By the Angel, I didn’t know you were this _stupid_.” Gabriel wanted to tear his hair out.

  
Will ignored him. Gabriel scowled, about to snap at him again- but he stopped.

  
Will was staring after Jem, his expression a mixture of fear and longing.

 

\----------

 

That evening the nurse returned, bearing a stele. She frowned disapprovingly at the two of them.

  
“You rascals ought to be asleep by now,” she reprimanded. Gabriel shrugged.

  
“It’s not my fault, I can’t sleep while that ba- while the Herondale is in here.”

  
Will glared at him but said nothing.

  
The nurse tsk’d. “Very well then. I’ve got a rune that’ll do the trick. Put you right to sleep.” She reached over and took Will’s arm, quickly tracing a black mark there. She moved to do Gabriel, but he pulled away. “I’ll fall asleep fine now that he’s not bothering me,” he protested sullenly. The nurse sighed.

  
“Very well, Master Lightwood, but you had better be asleep when I check on you.” She then bustled out of the room. Gabriel turned his head to look at Will. The boy could barely keep his eyes open, and he looked … serene. From this angle, Gabriel supposed he could almost see what Jem saw in him. Almost.

  
Gabriel’s eyes lost focus, his mind beginning to wander. He pondered for a while what it was that Jem thought about Will, and what had possessed him to become parabatai with the boy.

  
He startled from his reverie as the door opened softly, and Jem slipped into the room. The boy quickly glanced at him, so he pretended to be asleep.

 

Satisfied, Jem turned towards Will.

  
“What do you think you’re doing, Will?” he murmured, so that Gabriel could barely hear him. “I was really worried, you know. I thought you’d die. And I couldn’t even protect you-” He said something else, unintelligible, and then Gabriel’s eyes widened in shock as Jem’s slim shoulders began to shake. He was… crying? Gabriel felt as if he was intruding on a private moment, but he remained unable to tear his eyes away.

  
Jem sat like that, the tears drying on his cheeks, for what felt like hours. Finally, he bent to kiss Will on the cheek- or so Gabriel assumed. But at the last second Will’s head turned in his sleep, and Gabriel could see his and Jem’s mouths collide. And then, to Gabriel’s utter astonishment, Jem sat there, his mouth on Will’s, unmoving, for several seconds. Finally, Jem sat up, blushing deeply, and hurried out of the room. And Will, in his sleep, sighed softly.

 

\-----------

 

Of course, the minute Will woke up, Gabriel told him. It was his duty, after all. Kissing was not standard parabatai procedure, and he had to correct it before Jem got out of hand.  
“Jem kissed you, you know,” he said.

  
Will shook his head groggily. “Wha?” he muttered. Gabriel sighed.

  
“I _said_ , Jem _kissed_ you last night. While you were asleep. On the mouth, if you were wondering. Is that something you two do often? Because I’ve never seen other parabatai do it, and it seems kind of weird for two men to kiss each other, you know? I always thought that it was a more romantic gesture, myself, rather than one of friendship-”

  
Will cut him off. “Jem… kissed me?” He looked shocked.

  
“Yes, that’s what I just said-” Gabriel said, irritated. But Will wasn’t listening. He threw the coverlet off himself and veritably leaped out of the sickbed, then ran out of the room.

  
Gabriel sputtered for a second, then followed him. He saw Will whip around the corner, then heard the sound of a door slamming open. He slowed down to a walk and peered around the corner- Ah. It was the guest room where Jem had stayed the night. Gabriel was surprised his father had allowed the boy to remain in the manor.

He snuck closer and peered stealthily into the room.

  
Jem and Will were facing each other, Jem staring quizzically at Will, who was catching his breath.

  
“What’s wrong?” Jem asked gently.

  
“Gabriel said- Gabriel said-” Will stammered. He was blushing down to his toes.

  
“What happened?” Jem asked, concerned.

  
“Last night, did- did you kiss me?” Will blurted.

  
Jem went white. “Oh, God,” he said miserably. “I’m sorry, Will, I’m so sorry-” Before he could finish, Will stepped forward and closed the gap between them, his nose almost touching Jem’s.

  
“Could- Could you kiss me again?” he whispered.

  
They stared at each other for a second, eyes wide. And then Jem brought his head forward and kissed Will, bringing his hands up to rest against the other boy’s jaw. Will gasped slightly against his lips, and then his eyes slid shut. He stood awkwardly, his arms at his side, and then slowly raised his hands and put his palms against Jem’s back. He gripped the fabric of Jem’s shirt and titled his head slightly. Jem groaned, deep in his throat, and Will visibly shivered.

  
Finally, they broke apart. Jem gazed at Will, his face flushed.

  
“Was- was that okay?” he asked tentatively. Will nodded, breathless.

  
It was incredibly sweet. Gabriel gagged.

  
Unfortunately, Will heard him. He jerked away from Jem and whipped his head towards the spying boy. And he looked furious.

  
Gabriel ran.

 

....  
  
“You worthless- you sneaky- I hope you get demon pox!” Will spluttered. It was the most flustered Gabriel had ever seen him.

  
Gabriel shrugged, as much as one can shrug if one is being held against a wall by the collar.

  
“It’s not my fault. I was following you to make sure you didn’t break anything. My father would have been very cross, you know. Lightwood heirlooms are infinitely more valuable than you’ll ever be.”

 

“You’re an ass,” Will growled.

  
Gabriel glared down at him. “It’s not my fault you’re kissing your parabatai. It’s forbidden, and you know it. Not to mention Jem’s a boy. It’s not right for a boy to kiss another boy. It’s _weird_.”

  
“Just shut up, Lightwood,” Will muttered. “And don’t tell anyone.”

  
“Why shouldn’t I?” Gabriel demanded.

  
“Please,” Will pleaded. A note of fear crept into his voice. “Please. They’ll sever us- they’ll take Jem away.” His looked Gabriel dead in the eye. “I could never- I would never be able-” He took a deep breath, as if to steady himself. “I’ll do whatever you want. Please,” he whispered desperately.

  
Gabriel shifted uncomfortably. He had never seen Will so… raw. It was unnerving.

  
“Alright,” he muttered. “I promise.”

  
“Swear.”

  
“…Fine. I swear on the Angel,” Gabriel said, glaring. “But you have to do something for me.”

  
“What?” Will snapped.

  
“Kiss me.”

 

“ _What?_ ”

  
Gabriel felt himself flush slightly. “Well, I want- I want to see what’s so great about kissing you. Because Jem was, uh… really, um into it. And I want to know why.”

  
Will scowled at him. “Fine,” he muttered, and let go of Gabriel’s collar. Gabriel settled his feet back on the floor.

  
“Okay, um… How does this work? Cause, uh, I’ve never actually, um-” he stammered.

  
Will looked at him as if he were a rather disgusting garden insect. ”Let’s just get this over with,” he muttered sullenly. He leaned forward and kissed Gabriel square on the mouth.

  
As far as first kisses go it was… okay. Their teeth clicked and their noses got in the way of each other. Will’s lips were surprisingly soft. Still, it was not very comfortable.

 

Will pulled away quickly and wiped his mouth the back of his hand. “Yech,” he muttered. “Satisfied?”

  
Gabriel thought for a second. “It was… gross.”

  
“This is one of those rare moments when I actually agree with you, no matter how moronic you are,” Will griped.

  
“I thought you liked kissing boys!” Gabriel said, surprised.

  
“Not all boys, you imbecile. Just… Jem,” he said. And then he blushed.

 


	2. In Which Gabriel Is Actually Nice, For Once

The second time, Gabriel had been fifteen.

He had kept Will and Jem’s secret for two years, and he had nearly made himself forget. Sometimes, though, he would look at his father guiltily, feeling as if he were keeping something important from him. Still, it had started to bother him now a little less.

\-----

His father had decided to host a ball, Shadowhunters only. It was rather ironic, really, to see so many people who fought demons for a living dancing where so many demons had danced before.

Gideon would not have seen the irony, he would have called it sick. Unfortunately, Gideon was not there to be Gabriel’s irritating moral compass. That might have been why he did what he did.

Gabriel’s father had always been fond of Warlock powder. So of course he had decided to put it into the champagne. It was innocent. A joke really, that couldn’t possibly have any negative consequences. It would be horribly funny.

Gabriel wandered around, gazing amusedly at the antics of the drunken Shadowhunters. Lord Starkweather had started loudly challenging passersby to duels, believing them to be Warlocks. Henry was attempting to build some sort of gadget out of the refreshments. Charlotte was standing over him, exasperated, making sure he didn’t hurt himself.

Gabriel turned away from them, smirking to himself. Then, across the room, a flash of silver caught his eye. Jem and Will were dancing together, foreheads touching. They were terribly close… Gabriel wondered what they could possibly be doing, drawing attention to themselves as they were. And then Will leaned in and brushed his lips against Jem’s, smiling slightly. Jem blushed.

Gabriel gaped at them. Didn’t they know that they would get caught?! The secret he had been forced to keep for _years_ , and now they were going to expose themselves to a room full of Shadowhunters? Why would- Oh. Gabriel almost smacked himself on the forehead. Of course- the Warlock powder.

He had to stop them. He may not like Will, but Jem was too good a soul for Gabriel to abandon. And it felt wrong, somehow, to allow Will and Jem to give away their secret due to some semi-illegal substance his father had put in the champagne.

Gabriel steeled himself- and then he ran across the ballroom and punched Will in the face.

It was an accident, of course. Gabriel had planned to shove Will rather than punch him, but he had slippedand his hand had flown up to retain his balance and- well, who could blame him, really?

Unfortunately, Will had not been at all on his guard, so the punch sent him staggering away from Jem, clutching his jaw. He stared at Gabriel in shock. “What- You- ” he said through gritted teeth. He growled and launched himself at Gabriel.

They went down gracelessly in a flurry of limbs. Will was partially drunk, but that did not stop him from fighting ferociously. Gabriel was equally matched however, so when they were pulled apart both he and Will sported matching black eyes.

“What’s wrong with you?” Jem hissed. “Gabriel, why did you punch Will?” He was holding the two boys apart by their collars. Gabriel was surprised at his strength.

“If you hadn’t noticed, you two were fraternizing in a most inappropriate manner,” Gabriel said, his head aching.

“I don’t see why that concerns you,” Jem said, exasperated.

“It concerns me very much because you are surrounded by members of the clave and they may very well _sever the both of you if you get caught_.”

Jem blinked for a second, slowly realizing. “Oh, Lord,” he said breathlessly, letting go of Gabriel’s collar. “Oh, God, what would have happened- I completely lost my mind!” He put his head in his hands. Will sprang to his feet and put his arms around Jem’s thin shoulders.

“It’s alright, Jem, I wasn’t acting myself either.” He looked down at the broken champagne glass on the floor, then pointedly at Gabriel. “I wonder, whatever could have caused it?” he said suspiciously.

Gabriel flushed. “If- if you must know, there’s warlock powder in the champagne. You two are basically drunk right now.”

“What?” Jem yelped.

“You’re drunk, and you’ll remain drunk for the next four hours or so. I recommend you leave the party before anything else _occurs_ ,” Gabriel said shortly.

Jem sighed. “Alright, we’ll go. But it was rather low of you not to tell anyone about the powder,” he said. Gabriel bristled.

“I must agree,” Will said, glaring reprovingly at him. “We’ll take the extra carriage.”

“No!” Gabriel said quickly. “You can’t. You’re still drunk, you’ll crash and probably die.”

“Fine then, how about you drive us!” Will yelled, exasperated.

“Alright, I will!” Gabriel yelled back. Will blinked at him.

“You will? But you hate me!”

“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth,” Jem said softly. Will huffed.

“Fine.”

Gabriel sighed. _What_ had possessed him to say that?

 

\---------

 

“You drive like a blind man,” Will complained. Gabriel resisted the urge to smack him. Will had demanded he be allowed to sit next to Gabriel, to ‘make sure he didn’t crash and kill them all’. Right now he was being more of a hindrance than a help.

“Why didn’t you sit with Jem, Herondale? I’m sure you want to,” Gabriel sniped irritably.

Will went silent. “I can’t,” he said quietly. Gabriel resisted the urge to turn and look at him. Was Will about to tell him something personal? Gabriel hoped not.

“Why not?” he asked irritably.

“Because… I can’t control myself right now. I’m afraid I’ll say something I’d regret.”

“Like what?” Gabriel asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

Will was quiet for a second. “If… if you knew that you being around someone could only hurt them, but you still wanted to be with them so much you thought you might die, what would you do?”

“Are you afraid you’re hurting Jem?” Gabriel asked tentatively. “Because I can assure you, you aren’t. Jem looks at you like you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him.”

Will shook his head. “No. I’m not. I’m the worst thing for him. I’m so- I’m so- I’m the most horrible person I know. The most selfish, worthless-”

“Will, shut up,” Gabriel said quietly. He was finding it hard to hate Will, knowing now that the boy utterly hated himself. In fact, Gabriel felt genuine sympathy. It was awful.

He had to do something to get Will back to normal. “Don’t torture yourself. You make Jem happy. He deserves that, at least, before-” Gabriel stopped himself, but his unspoken words hung in the air. _Before he dies_.

Will gasped softly, and Gabriel finally turned to look at him. His eyes met Will’s, and he was shocked to see that the other boy was crying. In that moment, he realized for the first time that Will was truly beautiful. He was the most beautiful, fragile person Gabriel had ever seen.

Gabriel felt color rise in his cheeks. He sort of leaned forward slightly- and then he was suddenly thrown forward as the horses came to a skidding halt.

“Whoa!” he yelled, his attention brought abruptly back to the carriage. They had stopped in front of the institute.

“By the Angel!” Will cried, clutching the seat with white knuckles. “Have you ever driven a carriage before?”

“Yes!” Gabriel snapped, irritated. Any good will he may have had towards William Herondale evaporated immediately.

“I doubt that,” Will muttered under his breath. “James! Are you alright?” he yelled.

Jem staggered out of the carriage. “I’m fine, Will, just a bruise or two. That was quite a skidding halt,” he chuckled.

Will jumped down from the driver’s seat to join him.

“Are you okay, Will? Because-“ Jem stopped suddenly, his finger flying to rest lightly on Will’s cheekbones. “Have you been crying?” he asked, concerned. Will looked surprised, then smirked slightly.

“I’m alright, James, don’t worry,” he said quickly. Jem smiled, looking relieved.

“Okay then,” he said softly, and leaned forward to placed two quick kisses on the corners of Will’s eyes. Will grinned, blushing.

“You’re too kind, James,” he protested, but Jem just smirked and dove in to kiss him on the lips. Will closed his eyes, relaxing in Jem’s embrace, and tangled his fingers in Jem’s white hair. Jem tilted his head and deepened the kiss, his hands rubbing circled on Will’s back.

Gabriel cleared his throat. 

“I hate to interrupt your little-” he gestured vaguely towards the two of them, “moment, but you two should have it somewhere else. As in, not on the institute steps.”

Will broke the kiss and glared at him. “Jealous, are we?”

Gabriel spluttered, but Will just laughed and took Jem’s hand, pulling the other boy behind him and slamming the institute door. Gabriel scowled after him for a second, then turned the horses towards home.


	3. In Which Gabriel is a Massive Cockblock

The third time, Gabriel had been seventeen.

He had gotten the news early in the morning, with no context or other instructions. A servant had thrown open his bedroom door and told him the William Herondale had been captured by rouge vampires.

 

\-------

 

He reached the institute with a strange tightness in his chest. It was strange- he hated Will, as he always had, and yet he felt immensely worried.

He jumped down from the carriage and nearly ran up the steps, where he was met by Jem.

The boy looked awful. He had bags under his eyes, and his hands shook.

“What happened?” Gabriel asked quickly.

“We were pursuing a pair of vampires. Will went into an ally, and I followed him. I was struck in the back of the head and I passed out for a few moments. When I woke up, Will was gone. I couldn’t- I couldn’t-” Jem put his hands to his face. When he drew them away, Gabriel could see red nail marks clearly on his pale skin. “I’m alright,” Jem said quietly. “Henry is getting ready to help me search, but it is hard to wait.”

“I’ll join you. Leave Henry,” Gabriel said quickly. “He can’t help.” Jem looked at him for a second, and Gabriel was worried that he might be angry, but then he sighed.

“Alright. I’ll go with you,” Jem murmured. He rolled his sleeve up, revealing a small book clutched in his hand. It was _A Tale of Two Cities_. Jem quickly sketched a tracking rune on his forearm, then closed his eyes.

After a minute, he spoke, startling Gabriel.

“He’s in the Ifrit den.”

Gabriel didn’t say anything, just turned and hailed a cab. “Are you coming?” he asked.

Jem nodded. “Let’s go,” he said softly.

 

\------

 

The den was nearly empty, as most of its clientele were forced to stay out of the sun. A werewolf slept in the corner, surrounded by a palpable haze of booze. The demon barista stood behind the bar, lazily cleaning a glass. Her ruby red skin shone against the dingy lighting.

“What business do Shadowhunters have here?” she asked huskily.

“You know,” Jem said tightly. “Where is William Herondale?”

She eyed him for a moment, then gestured towards a green door in the back wall.“He’s in there.”

Jem walked stiffly to the door and threw it open, exposing a dark corridor. He stalked down it, his sword drawn in front of him. The blade glowed dimly, highlighting the peeling wallpaper. Gabriel followed slowly, knives in hand.

Jem softly opened the door at the end of the hall, easing his way silently into the room. Gabriel gasped.

Will was tied to the bed, his wrists bound with barbed wire. He was unconscious and shirtless, light gashes decorating his chest. The vampires were nowhere to be found.

Jem rushed forward and slashed through the wire at his wrists. Will slumped forward, so Jem put his hands on his chest to keep him upright.

“Will, Will, are you alright?” Jem asked worriedly. Will’s head lolled down to his chest. He was unconscious.

Gabriel joined Jem, tracing a rune of healing on Will’s forearm. He watched in fascination as the gashes began to close on his chest. Gabriel blinked, realizing he had reached out to place his fingers lightly on Will’s chest. He was surprised at the hard muscle there- Will was in better shape than he had thought.

Jem ignored him. He was staring worriedly at Will’s face. “Why won’t he wake up?” he muttered. “I used a rune of awakening. Why didn’t it work?”

Gabriel scowled. “The vampires must have done something to him. Come on, the trail is still fresh. We can still catch them.”

Jem shook his head. “No. We need to get Will out of here.”

“Just leave him,” Gabriel said, exasperated.

“No,” Jem said, his expression flinty. “Go on without me. I am not leaving him here.”

Gabriel ran his hands through his hair and sighed in irritation. “You’ll need help carrying him out. I’ll stay, but don’t blame me if we never see those vampires again.”Jem smiled thankfully at him.

Gabriel took Will’s front, lugging him by the arms. Jem took his legs.

The barista gazed at them with raised eyebrows as they carried Will out. Gabriel glared at her.

 

\-------

 

The cabbie was not pleased to see them lugging a body.

“Is ‘e dead?” the man asked gruffly.

Jem shook his head. “No, he’s alright.”

With effort, he and Gabriel heaved Will into the carriage. Will’s unconscious body leaned against Jem’s. Jem kissed his nose, attempting to wake him up. Gabriel sat uncomfortably on the other side of the cab.

Suddenly the cab jerked to the left in a sharp turn. Will flopped over, smothering Jem. His eyes snapped open, unnaturally blue.

“Jem,” he whispered huskily. “James.” He was clearly still unconscious, under some sort of spell. Jem gently pushed him off, but let his hands remain on Will’s shoulders.

“What did they do to you?” he asked worriedly.

Will didn’t answer. His eyes glowed briefly, then faded back to their normal color. He blinked slowly, shaking his head, and Gabriel could tell the spell was gone.

Will stared at Jem for a second, his eyes wide. “James?” he asked incredulously. “Is that you?” Jem nodded silently. Will gasped, and then he lurched forward, his mouth crashing against Jem’s. He gripped the other boy’s thin shoulders and spoke softly against his mouth. Jem’s eyes widened, and he brought his hands up and clutched Will to himself.

“I’m okay,” he whispered. “It’s okay.”

Will pressed his head to Jem’s neck. “Thank God,” he said quietly, his face flushed. “Jem- Jem.” He bent and kissed Jem’s collar, moving his lips downward to the hollow of his pale throat. Jem gasped.

“What are you- ah-!” He threw his head back as Will bit the delicate skin of his neck. He gripped Will’s hair, his back arching slightly.

Gabriel gaped at them. He had moved as far from them as he possibly could, plastering himself against the door of the carriage. Were- were they going to-?

Will pressed Jem to the seat, gripping the other boy with his thighs. Jem pulled Will down to himself by his hair and kissed him roughly. Will groaned, fumbling for the buttons of Jem’s shirt. Jem tangled his legs with Will’s, moving his hands from the boy’s hair to his ba

back and digging his nails in, leaving long welts. Will started rocking his hips against Jem’s, a groan rumbling deep in his throat. Jem responded with his own moan, pressing himself  against Will’s body.

Gabriel had to turn away.

“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” he yelled, not facing them. He could feel his face burning. “For the sake of common decency!”

He heard a shuffling sound behind his back, so he turned to peek. Will and Jem had sprung apart, now sitting across from each other. Both were as red as tomatoes. Jem was fumbling with his buttons. Will was smirking.

“I’m so sorry,” Jem said, horrified. “I don’t know what got into me. I just…” he trailed off, blushing even more than before.

Gabriel ducked his head, willing his embarrassment away. It didn’t work.

“Let’s just… forget it.” He felt as though his face would melt off. “I don’t want to think about what I just saw.”

“Now, now, don’t be like that,” Will said jauntily. “You could learn a thing or two-”

Jem threw a hand over Will’s mouth. “I’m sorry. Ignore him,” he said, looking apologetic.

“Forget about it,” Gabriel muttered.

Awkward silence hung in the air.

“So,” Gabriel said, his voice too loud. He had to change the subject. “What the hell did the vampires do to you?”

Will’s smirk disappeared.

“I don’t remember very much,” he said. “They forced me to drink some sort of potion.”

 “And?”

 “It made me see… things. Horrible things.” He shuddered involuntarily.

“Like what?”

Will was silent.

“Will?” Jem said tentatively.

“I don’t know!” Will yelled suddenly, looking sick. “Can we not talk about this?”

Gabriel frowned. What had the vampires _done_?

“Try to remember,” he said softly. “This is important.”

Will stared at his hands. “I don’t- I don’t-” He took a shuddering breath. “No. I do remember. It was… Jem. Jem was gone. I held him in my arms and he- he-”

Jem rose suddenly and moved across the carriage to sit beside Will. He wrapped arms around the other boy, rubbing circles on his bare skin with his thumb. Will buried his head in Jem’s neck, shaking.

Gabriel stared out the window, trying to ignore the sound of Will’s soft sobs.


	4. In Which Gabriel Redeems His Character

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last time it happened, Gabriel was nearly twenty.

Gabriel shifted uncomfortably on the hard stone seats. Sweat trickled down the back of his neck, despite the chill in the air. The Consul loomed above him, sifting through his papers.

“Shadowhunters!” he boomed. “We are gathered here today for the trial of William Herondale and James Carstairs, for crimes against the Angel.”

The crowd gathered in the Clave rippled with murmurs, tinging the room with ice. Gabriel shivered.

The heavy wooden door swung open, and Will and Jem were led into the room. Their hands were not chained. There was no need- where could they run, surrounded by hostile Shadowhunters?

Gabriel stared at both their faces, trying to decipher what they felt.

Will held his head high, his beautiful features displaying only disdain for the trial. However, Gabriel’s trained eyes could pick up the slight shake in his hands, the hesitance in his step. Will was terrified.

Jem held a look of calm distance in his eyes. He appeared as one dreaming, floating high above the mortals around him. The slight tenseness in his features and his uncontrollable shivering betrayed him, however. He was nearly panicking.

 Will seemed to notice Jem’s distance. His expression did not change, but he took Jem’s hand in his, twining their fingers together as they were made to sit on the defendant’s raised dais.

Jem reacted to Will’s touch, blinking as if waking up from a coma.

A low muttering passed through the Clave.

The Consul shuffled his papers.

“This is the trial of William Herondale and Jem Carstairs for sodomy and improper relations among parabatai. I call forth the witnesses…” the Consul squinted at the document in his hand. Gabriel held his breath. “…Gabriel Lightwood,” the Consul said.

Gabriel felt himself rise, as if pulled by puppet strings. He took an unwilling step forward, then another. He felt the cold weight of the Sword as it was placed in his hands.

“Gabriel Lightwood,” the Consul said again. “Were you aware of James and William’s relationship before this trial?”

Tiny, invisible hooks lodged in Gabriel’s throat, pulling the truth from him.

“…Yes.”

“For how long?”

“Seven years.”

“Seven years?!” the Consul cried. “How did they manage to force you to keep their secret for so long? Blackmail?”

Gabriel shook his head angrily. “ _I_ chose not to reveal their secret, of my own free will.”

The Consul looked baffled. “Why?”

Gabriel turned and looked out over the pitiless gaze of the Clave. He steeled himself. “I did not betray them, because I knew this would happen. You would accuse these two men and would convict them without hesitation. You would cast them from you, and you would feel no guilt, no remorse. You would cease to think of them as people, as Shadowhunters like yourselves. You would wash your hands of them, call them beasts. You would choose not to look past your own selfish laws. And you disgust me.”

There were several seconds of silence.

“Stop!” the Consul roared at last. “You have no right to talk to us in such a manner! How _dare_ you!”

Gabriel ignored him. He turned towards Jem and Will. Both of them stared at him in shock.

“Can you forgive me?” he asked them quietly.

Jem smiled sadly at him. “It’s not your fault. We could never blame you.” Will bobbed his head, agreeing.

Gabriel couldn’t look at them. He was silent as he was led from the witness stand. His heart felt too big for his chest, aching dully.

He took his seat, ignoring the cold glances of the Shadowhunters around him.

 

\------ 

 

Most of the trial passed in a blur. It was a predetermined trial- Jem and Will had already been already been given their sentence, and then determined guilty. Now it was just a matter of proving it.

Finally, after all the witnesses had testified, Will was called forward and forced to confess.

“William Herondale,” the Consul said icily. “Did you have a romantic relationship with your parabatai?”

The question was only a formality.

“Yes,” Will said defiantly.

“For how long?”

“…I’ve been in love since I first met him.”

“And you felt no guilt for the nature of your relationship?” the Consul asked, disgust plain in his voice.

Will glared at him. “No. Love is love.”

“You felt absolutely _no_ guilt?”

Will opened his mouth, then stopped. “…Yes. I felt guilty. I’m not good enough for him. I felt guilty for letting myself get attached, and for letting him love me back. I don’t deserve him.” Will stared down at his feet. That had clearly not been what he meant to say. The Sword had dragged it out of him.

Jem stared at Will for a second. He rose and waked over to where Will stood. He was shivering.

“Sit down!” yelled the Consul. Jem ignored him. He took the Sword from Will, holding it firmly in his hands. The sides of the Sword cut tiny gashes in his fingers, sending little rivulets of blood dripping down to the floor.

“I love Will,” he said. “I have always loved him, and I always will love him.” His arms were shaking. “William, you have made me happier than I ever dreamed I could be. You are my light and my love. You are the best thing that ever happened to me.” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “So don’t you _ever, ever_ feel like you aren’t enough. You are more than I could ever hope for. I love you.”

Jem dropped the Sword. It clanged against the stone floor, echoing throughout the silence of the Clave.

Jem stepped over it, his whole body shuddering. He kissed Will, laying his trembling finger against the other boy’s cheek. Will’s arms wrapped around him, clinging to him as if he were going to disappear.

Jem finally broke the kiss, pressing his forehead against Will’s.

“William,” he murmured. His voice carried across the silent room. “It’s over.” He slumped suddenly, collapsing into Will’s arms.

At first, Will didn’t react. He held Jem’s motionless body against his own, staring into space. And then he sank to the floor.

“No,” he whispered. “James, come back. Come back.”

There was silence.

 

\----------------- 

 

The Clave, of course, was merciless. The Consul handed down the verdict with impersonal, cold finality.

Will did not react. He had been in a daze, ever since Jem died. He looked but did not see, listened but did not hear. He was numb.

The Silent Brothers were called to strip Will of his Marks that same day. It was obvious that this had been the expected outcome, that there had been no chance of mercy.

Gabriel was the only Shadowhunter who stayed. If he had gone, it would have felt like a betrayal.

Will was silent as the marks were removed, his face never revealing the pain he must have felt.

He only protested when they tried to take away his parabatai rune. He begged them, pleaded with them. They ignored him.

Gabriel had to do something.

“Stop!” he yelled, dragging the Silent Brothers away from Will. “You can’t.”

 _This is our job_ , they told him. _We cannot defy the Clave_.

Gabriel took a deep breath. “Take one of my runes. I won’t protest. Just don’t take that rune away from him.”

The Silent Brothers stared at him. He couldn’t tell what they were thinking, behind those closed eyes of theirs.

 _Very well_ , they finally agreed.

Gabriel steeled himself as they began to work, forcing himself not to cry out at the burning pain of it. He locked eyes with Will, who gazed dully at him. It was clear that Will didn’t see him.

He wanted to scream.

 

\------------------------- 

 

It was a several months before Gabriel saw Will again.

His father had used his influence to keep Gabriel from being arrested for speaking out at the trial, but he was still an outcast. His father had made it very clear that he was never to return to the Lightwood Manor again. He wasn’t even allowed to see Gideon anymore.

No Institute would have been willing to take him, so Gabriel was forced to rent a small flat by himself and get a mundane job. He worked as a clerk in the daytime and spent nights out hunting demons.

He was miserable.

_____________________________

 

He had followed a lead to the outer edges of London, hoping to catch a couple of bloodthirsty demons.

Unfortunately, he had lost the trail and was now lost in a maze of dark alleyways.

 _Goddammit._ He kicked a bottle lying next to his feet, sending it shattering against the brick walls.

He cursed again, and then he saw it- a man, barely more than skin and bones, lying against the cold wall.

Normally, Gabriel would not have cared. Why should the fate of a mundane concern him? Still, something made him stop and walk over to the man.

“Hello?” he said tentatively, prodding the prone figure with his boot. The smell of hard liquor rose to his face, making him dizzy. Dear lord, was this guy _drunk_.

He almost left him lying there. But then the man’s eyes snapped open, revealing a blue so intense, so beautiful, that it could only belong to one person.

“…Will?” Gabriel gasped.

Will stared at him, his gaze unfocused.

“Gabriel?” he slurred. “Why the hell are you here?”

Gabriel wanted to smack him.

“ _Me_? What the fuck are _you_ doing here?!” he hissed.

Will shrugged, an easy, drunken smile playing across his lips.

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m trying to drink myself into a stupor.”

“ _Why_?”

“Because I hate being sober,” he said slowly, as if it were obvious. “Too much to think about. Too many memories.” He was silent for a second. “I hate being alive.” He laughed. “Isn’t it poetic? The lover, severed from his other half, ceases to live. Like Romeo and Juliet.” He grinned, but there was no mirth in the expression. “I’ve always hated that play.”

This time Gabriel really did smack him.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he yelled. “That’s not poetic! That’s sick! That’s _wrong_! Is this what Jem would have wanted? He would want you to be happy! Yet here you are, a drunk, _trying_ to die!” Gabriel felt hot, unwanted tears rise in his eyes. He brushed a hand over his face roughly, dashing them away.

Will’s smile disappeared. “Do you think I don’t know that?” he said softly. “Do you think I don’t know that I have failed him? I have tried, for his sake, to be happy. But I’m not able to. Everything I see reminds me of him. My heart aches. It never stops. I can’t… I can’t…” he took a shaky breath, gathering himself. “I am not strong, Gabriel. I don’t know what you think of me, but I know I have disappointed you. I’m sorry.”

Gabriel stared at him, his face completely blank. He felt tears running down his face, freezing in the cold night air.

Will gazed up at him, his face serene. His eye’s seemed to stare into Gabriel’s soul.

“Don’t cry for me, Gabriel Lightwood,” he said softly. He smirked a little, the corners of his mouth quirking. “I never thought you would.”

 

Gabriel couldn’t do anything else.

He took Will’s face in his hands and kissed him, soft and slow. He tasted mostly of vodka, but the underlying flavor was still there. _Will_.

Will did not kiss him back. Not that Gabriel expected it. He broke the one sided kiss, letting go of the other man and stepping away. Will stared at him, shocked.

“I’m sorry,” Will finally whispered. He reached out and touched Gabriel’s face lightly. “I’m so, so sorry.”

Gabriel didn’t respond. He clutched Will to himself, clinging to him like he was a lifeline. Will hugged him back, clinging just as desperately.

Both of them ignored the tears the fell on their shoulders.

 

\----------------------------- 

 

Gabriel was roused from his restless sleep, several weeks later, by a sharp pang in his chest. He doubled over, gasping, as pain lanced through his heart. He felt like his chest was going to collapse.

He staggered over to the window and threw it open, vomiting onto the streets below. As he regained his breath, he felt the sting of the winter air against his cheeks. The coldest night of the year.

And then he knew.

William Herondale was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, courtroom melodrama ;P
> 
> Please review. All criticism will be paid attention to :)

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic!
> 
> Any and all reviews are welcome, please feel free :)


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